Christmas is coming: Turkeys are beginning to wonder why the human with the shotgun keeps polishing it and looking at them in that funny way, Geese are finding that they are inexplicably gaining weight, and Homesteaders have begun to dig out ancient recipes for making Plum Duff, and Everlasting Christmas Cake (90% sherry).
This will be my fiftieth Christmas, but this year, the season of goodwill (at least, it is wherever I have lived) is a little different to those that have gone before. This year, the season is being graced with something new: an opportunity that has never presented itself before now. This year, for the very first Christmas, you have the opportunity to make a gift of 'Signs of (a) Life'. Please: calm yourselves.
The eBook represents ridiculously good value at significantly less than one cent per page. If you prefer a different flavour of apples, that means more than three hundred words per cent. That's a pretty darned good bargain - and get this: some of the words are quite long! I've even gone to the extraordinary lengths (for me, anyway) of stringing the words together in sentences which make at least a modicum of sense - no wonder I was exhausted...
If the eBook doesn't sound to you like the sort of gift that will sufficiently annoy one of your relatives, allow me to recommend the paper or hardback versions: significant lumps of paper which will almost oblige the recipient to open them and least scan the introduction. It may soothe your frayed purchasing instincts to remember that if you do so, you will, at the very least, be ruthlessly inserting a picture of giant underpants into your victim's house - at least for the duration of Christmas day. Now there's some motivation!
If you do feel so moved to purchase a copy (in whatever medium) - and all joking aside - please accept my thanks in advance, along with my genuine wish for enjoyment on the recipient's side. The link below is that of my publisher, although the book is available through all the usual major online bookselling services - the only difference for me is that direct purchase through my publisher drastically improves the meagre sum I am paid per book.
No matter how or where you buy it, once again you have my heartfelt thanks and my wishes for many smiles, titters and chortles. If you wish to guffaw - well, that's a choice you will just have to make for yourselves.